Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
