Where is the hickey?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
