At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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