i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
