Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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