Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
