I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
