11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
