If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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