If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
