I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
