toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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