If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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