1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
