In the future we'll all be gay
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I see more hoeing in ur future
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