Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
