My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
