Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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