When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize