and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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