We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You may now shotgun with the bride
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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