it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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