@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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