nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
