He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
