Welp...herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
