forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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