You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
