If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
