I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
