the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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