I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
