there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
