Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
