Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
