I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
