you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
