I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
