Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
