you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
