I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
