Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
