JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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