He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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