I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
