If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
