i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
