Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
