I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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