I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
