This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize