I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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