Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
