alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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