we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
