Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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