my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
