perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
