two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
