my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nutella sex= disaster
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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