I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
