the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
