cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
