She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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