i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
