like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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