I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
