she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
