A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
