i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
