Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
