never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
