You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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