im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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