Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
