I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
