I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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