The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
