$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
