sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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