I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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