i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
