Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
